ANGER AND THE MYTH

Anger is a normal emotion like happiness and sadness. We all feel angry sometimes as we all feel happy and sad. The intensity of these emotions depends on how we perceive the current situation and on our past experiences. But how we express these emotions depends on us. We may think that our behaviour is a spontaneous reaction of how we feel at that time and that we don’t have any control over it and that anyone would have responded in the similar way in that particular situation.

But if you observe closely this is not the reality. Not every person who is feeling angry behaves aggressively. Aggressive behaviour is a choice, intended to get control of the situation or the person. In other words, a person who feels threatened or out of control, will behave aggressively. So, aggression is not a sigh of strength. People who are in the martial arts or who are in the army may agree that they are trained to act and not react.

A person can show direct physical and verbal aggression towards other person/s, or s/he may use show passive-aggression. Any kind of aggression, direct or passive, is an abuse; physical, verbal, or emotional.

I have read many quotes which say that people who use bad language, or in other words abusive language are clear at heart. Do you agree? If yes, then think again.

I would say that aggressive people are those who have not learnt good coping skills. In challenging situations, they feel angry and helpless. To overcome these feelings of helplessness and in an effort to take control of the situation or the person/s they use aggression. Then they use their ‘Large-Heartedness’ as an excuse to justify their aggressive/abusive behaviour.

They also blame the other person/s for their aggressive behaviour. “I love you so much, but you always make me mad. When I am mad, I cannot think and I hurt you”, is a very common statement in domestic violence cases.

So next time when you hear anyone saying or you read anywhere that aggressive or abusive people are larger hearted, think again.

There is high probability that someone is suffering due to the aggressive behaviour of such people and needs help.

There is no justification for aggression or abuse. Period.