When My Child Feels Nervous - and I’m Not Sure What to Say

Helping a Nervous Child by Understanding Their Thoughts, Feelings, and Body Clues

When you hear their worry, you help them hear their own bravery.

The night before her class performance, Maya sat on the edge of her bed, twisting her hair around her fingers. Her cheeks were pale, hands clammy, and her feet tapped against the floor in a restless rhythm. “What if I forget my lines, Mama?” she whispered, her breathing shallow. You could almost hear the thud of her racing heartbeat in the quiet room. In moments like these, parents wish for a magic wand — to erase the fear and hand over courage in its place.

Understanding Why Nervousness Happens

Nervousness isn’t about the event itself — it’s about the story our mind tells us about it. It’s our thoughts that spark the feelings, which then ripple into the body and our actions. When a child thinks, “I’ll forget my lines” or “Everyone will laugh at me,” their body reacts as though something dangerous is about to happen.

For children, this can mean:

• A racing heartbeat and sweaty palms during school presentations

• A churning stomach before sports tryouts

• Shaky hands while introducing themselves to someone new

These “body clues” are their internal alarm system. They’re not signs of weakness- they’re the body’s way of preparing for something important. Once you can help your child notice these clues and connect them to their thoughts, the nervousness starts to feel less mysterious and more manageable.

Challenges Parents Face

It’s never easy to watch your child wrestle with nerves. You might find yourself wanting to take the discomfort away, reassure them endlessly, or gently push them forward — all while worrying you might get it wrong.

Common challenges include:

• Not knowing what words will truly help

• Accidentally brushing off their feelings (“It’s nothing, you’ll be fine”)

• Encouraging them in a way that feels like pressure

How to Support Your Child

• Validate their feelings: Let them know it’s okay to feel nervous.

• Model calmness: Share how you manage your own nerves.

• Break it into steps: Practise in small, gentle stages.

• Use calming tools: Breathing exercises, visualisation, grounding techniques.

• Name the body clues: Teach them to notice and name what’s happening inside — like sweaty palms or a fast heartbeat.

• Focus on effort, not outcome: Celebrate the courage to try, no matter the result.

How the Feeling Decoder Workbook Helps

The Feeling Decoder: Agent in Training workbook turns emotional learning into secret missions. In the “Big Feelings” section, children become agents decoding feelings like nervousness through stories, body clues, thought-recorders, and playful activities. Parents can use it to help their child spot nervous thoughts, connect them to feelings, and experiment with new actions — all in a fun, non-threatening way.

Learn more here → Feeling Decoder Workbook

Helping a nervous child isn’t about making the feeling vanish — it’s about walking beside them until they realise they can face it. With warmth, patience, and the right tools, nervousness can become the spark that helps them step forward, one brave moment at a time.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do for your child is to let them borrow your calm until they discover their own.