When My Child Feels Jealous - and I Don’t Know How to Handle It

When envy sneaks in, children need guidance, not guilt.

A young child exhibits feelings of jealousy while another receives attention, highlighting the challenges of addressing fairness and handling emotions without shame.

The morning after school awards day, Aarav dragged his bag across the floor, eyes fixed on the ground. His sister’s trophy shone from the shelf, catching the sunlight. “Why does she always win?” he muttered, voice sharp but quiet. He didn’t look angry, just heavy — as if the pride he wanted to feel for her was swallowed by something else. His clenched fists told a story his words couldn’t.

Understanding why jealousy happens

Jealousy in children isn’t just about others having more — it’s about what that means for them. At its core, jealousy can signal:

• Comparison: Believing they don’t measure up to someone else.

• Fear of losing love or attention: Worrying that a parent, friend, or teacher prefers another child.

• Unmet needs: Wanting recognition, praise, or belonging.

• Developing self-worth: Still learning to balance pride in themselves with empathy for others.

Without guidance, children may turn this confusion inward (“I’m not good enough”) or outward (“It’s unfair, I don’t like them”).

Challenges parents face

For parents, jealousy in children can feel unsettling. You may wonder:

• Why can’t my child just be happy for their sibling or friend?

• Am I raising them to be selfish?

• How should I respond without making it worse?

These doubts can lead to quick fixes — scolding, lecturing, or dismissing the feeling. But these reactions often leave children feeling misunderstood, deepening the jealousy instead of resolving it.

What parents can do?

• Acknowledge the feeling: “It sounds like you’re feeling jealous of your sister.”

• Normalise it: Remind them that everyone feels jealous at times.

• Encourage reflection: “What part of this makes you upset?”

• Guide empathy: Explore how others feel, and talk about celebrating together.

• Model healthy coping: Share times you’ve felt jealous and how you managed it.

These steps teach children that jealousy is not shameful — it’s manageable.

How Feeling Decoder helps

The Feeling Decoder: Agent in Training workbook turns jealousy into a secret mission. Children decode their jealous thoughts, notice the body clues that come with them, and practise healthier responses. With playful agent-style stories and activities, they learn that jealousy is just another feeling they can understand and handle.

Jealousy isn’t a flaw — it’s a clue. When children learn to decode it, they become resilient and confident.

🔗 Explore the Feeling Decoder workbook